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Lost in the Struggle

As I begin another work work, I take this time to reflect and remember my gratitude.

Many years ago, I started along my path towards "self". What is my purpose? Is my purpose to work to pay bills and eventually die without leaving a legacy? I sure hope not. My road has had many twists, turns, and road blocks along the way, and I constantly remind myself that I'm still evolving but am already a totally different person than I was back then.

As a child growing up in the United States Midwest, I was raised Catholic. I rebelled against the thought of going to church or taking any religion classes. For this, I was thankful for a public school education. Even though I refused so much of this religious education, some lessons seeped through regardless.

As a young adult I moved far from that life in the Midwest to sunny Southern California where there is no "normal". Even with so much open to me, I floated through my 20's completely lost. I didn't feel a purpose to life. My wonderful young husband listened to my bemusing and reminded me of all the positives, but really I was just driving him crazy.

I finished school and began my career. My dreams of an exciting and intoxicating career came crashing down. Public accounting is hard work, long hours, and not exotic at all!  Why oh why is life so uninspiring?

Then, I hit 30! Bam, life smacked me in the head. I needed to find my inspiration! Moved to Los Angeles and became an entertainment accountant. Much better! Now for the spiritual side of life...

I spent some time studying Wicca. Now this was exciting and fascinating and I loved it, but there was one problem. I still believed in a higher power.

My next question was "Why did spirituality have to be so rigid"? Why did it have to be "this or that" instead of "this and that"? Why not combine beliefs into one wonder filled practice? So that's what I did. I kept my candles, created my own "rituals", did the breathing, all before this was "cool". I have since found wonderful teachers and tribe to support me on this path.

Without a doubt, I can say I've become more calm and centered in the past 20 years. I now able to see the wonder and beauty of everyday. I am able to breath through crazy tax seasons and client crisis. I see that all the little messes my toddler makes, are just little messes and nothing to get too upset about.

My takeaway from all of this is to just be you. No need to conform but be mindful of your choices. Find your peace, remember your gratitude even when life gets a little crazy, and know that you may be someone's light in their own darkness and confusion.

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Calm and peaceful
Mindful Gratitude


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